OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
