He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I love you. Go after that dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
