we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
