Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
