I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize