I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
