gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
