omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize