Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
