I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
