May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
