Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
