in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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