if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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