If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A+ Viking dick
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
