did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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