why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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