I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
