Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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