I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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