My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize