one might say we're banned from that church
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
