i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
