Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
