Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
