He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
