My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
