he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
