wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we're making bets on your personal life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
