It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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