You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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