So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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