Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
