Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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