I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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