drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
