I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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