Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
