Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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