I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize