By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
