remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
