he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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