walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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