Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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