Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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