thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
