I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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