If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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