my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You need a sexual gate keeper
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
