Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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