Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
