She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize