And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
bring money and cleavage
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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