apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
