Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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