Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
