apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
