I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
