I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize