the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
