Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
