I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
