So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
