Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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