first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
