I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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