my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
