Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
