Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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