somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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