If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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