i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
