Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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